Peace and love, Party People. It's your favorite cool dude, The Cow, and tonight I am posting to you from Berkeley CA! I wasn't planning on coming to Berkeley, but I got myself in a real shit storm in the Big Apple. That's why I didn't post anything last week, The Cow was checking out the scene in Wall St. Dudes and Dudettes, 50,000 people and more were gathered to protest the Blue Meanies that foreclosed on your grandma's house. Revolution was in the air, as well as a hell of a lot of skunk weed.
Well, I mentioned I got into a little problem. I just so happened to get caught in a police sweep. Some meanie in a blue suit sprayed mace in my eyes, and took my friends to jail. Me? I almost became the guest of honor at a police barbecue. A great big moo-moo-katchoo to my homies from PETA. Thanks guys for getting my ass out of the fire, and I mean that literally.
So here I am, boys and girls, and everybody who identifies as neutral. I am on the left coast where the cops are a little less carnivorous, and I'm in The People's Republic of Berzerkeley, home of People's Park, The SDS, The Weather Underground and the Symbionese Liberational Army. Dude! I walked on Telegraph Ave where Ronny Rayguns sent the National Guard to beat the shit out of people. This is where Peace and Love began.
And I've been learning all sorts of exciting shit about peace, love, and revolution that I just can't wait to share. All my life I thought peace and love was just about peace and love. Well, the groovy people of Berkeley taught me how wrong I was. You see, you can't have peace and love without justice first, and the way you get justice is to keep beating the living shit out of the other guy until you get it. I was confused about that for a while. I mean, when you have two sides beating the shit out of each other like the Israelis and the Palestinians, which side is fighting for justice? Well it's easy once you think about it. It's the side with the grooviest politics. So when Georgie W. sends the troops into Afghanistan, it's imperialist oppression. But, when Wen Jaibao sends the troops into Tibet, it's liberation. Noam Chomsky explains the whole thing better than I do. After all, I'm just a cow and he's a cool intellectual.
Another thing that really confused me is why the cool activists of Berkeley treat their homeless population just like they accuse the IDF of treating the Palestinians. The homeless are also residents of Berkeley but they don't have the same rights. This is because the homeless aren't cool like the Palestinians. So the Berkeley Police and the UC Campus cops can hassle a homeless person for not having ID, just like the IDF hassles Palestinians. When the IDF keeps food away from Palestine, it is a human rights violation, but when the UC Board of Regents or the Berkeley Town Council tries to keep Food not Bombs from feeding the homeless, it's enforcing health regulations. And when Israel builds settlements in East Jerusalem, it is godless imperialism, but when the Regents try to take People's Park for another dorm, it is property rights.
I am so glad that I finally visited Berkeley. I would never have learned these fine distinctions otherwise. So moo-moo-katchoo, Party People, and remember, The Cow will be video blogging on U-tube in the very near future. In my first blog, I'll be performing my smash hit, Trustafarian Paradise.
Peace and Love, Baby. Peace and Love.
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